How it came to be.....

Well, I'm really pregnant now.
No B.S.
It is here, I'm at 6 months.

Before we found out the sex and picked a name I was pretty ambivalent to this whole thing. I really could have cared less. Then I went for an amniocentesis at, um what was it, 16 weeks?
There I sat in the room and there it was on the screen. A baby. Baby started out looking like an alien then they changed the profile and it looked like a baby. Whew. I mean don't all pregnant women feel like there is an alien in them anyhow. I did not need confirmation that I was carrying one.

At the time, someone kept their legs closed. Spinning and punching but not kicking, ugh. I did get a cool pic of the babies arm. It was doing a closed fisted rocker thing - my husband keeps it in his locker at work. It was cool. And although I got choked up when I saw the heart beating, I was still removed from this whole thing.

So, I paced around for two weeks waiting for my amnio results and the gender of the baby. Then I got the call, all was good and it was a GIRL! Yeah! I was so happy. I mean I really didn't care about the sex but to be honest, I didn't need two Monkeys in my house.

In anxious anticipation for my husband to agree with me like he always does. *rolling eyes* I picked out several names and had my heart set on Allison Noelle. Man I loved that name. OK I had a bunch but that was one of my standouts. So, while I was watching him wash down a whisky on the rocks and I was having my 100th glass of OJ for the day I brought up the names. He scoffed and said "Brooklyn" I scoffed and said, "Too trendy" Back and forth we went and then I said fine, she can go by Brooke. Still bickering over a middle name we went round and round again. You see if it was a boy his name would have been Jeremy Thomas. Thomas after my dad. So, dad was bummed that a girl was not going to get his name......we changed our minds. Why not give her my dad's name? I thought it sounded cool.

So, Brooklyn Thomas it is, it was, she will be. You get the point. And I get this now. Jeremy talks to her all the time now, saying good morning and good night. The dogs don't know who this Brooklyn is but they like sniffing out the room. And I'm realizing that the name rolls off my tongue when I try screaming it at the top of my lungs.

Can't wait to meet you in August lil Brook Trout!

Moment of Truth Part 2

Truth be told, I actually like kids.

Of course I don't like the crazy ones on that nanny show - but who does. 90% of the time kids are cool. They are dirty and slimy sometimes but that comes with the territory. I mean come on, I think I ate dirt for a living as a child.

Kids are fun tho - you can dress them up, put their hair in little pony tails, watch them create a masterpeice out of finger paints and generally make you relive your childhood again. I just didn't know reliving my childhood was going to come whipping around the corner as fast as I thought.

After that conversation with my mom, I was relieved and for some reason it was like a fog had cleared in my mind. I could do it. I would be a good mom. I mean after all I have dealt with some serious a*hole juveniles at work. I have spent numerous hours counseling parents on their poor parenting skills and in turn lectured many a child that I thought should have been drowned years ago.

And every now and then I get to meet some truly great kids who I love to rap with and just enjoy. I was pretty convinved that I could use my lecturing skills on my unborn....I am quite the talker.

So, off the pill I went.

Almost everyday Jeremy asked me if I was pregnant yet. Aimee suggested I use some sort of ovulation calendar. And I heard that I should take my tempurature, Im sure it was not to see when I was in heat. I figured out what days I was most likely to get preganant and in the back of my head hoped for a headache those three days.

Come on....a few more months wouldn't kill me. I have a hankering for good beer and vodka every so often. Okay everyday but who is counting. August, September and October rolled by. I started to think I was not one of those get pregnant easy types.

So Jeremy and I decided to go back on the pill for one more year - maybe travel and see Europe or Jeff in Hong Kong. Now let me tell you that every month I took a pregnancy test just to be sure.

Everytime I looked at myself in the shower I swore I was pregnant. On November 19, Jeremy said two things to me: 1. your boobs look big are you pregnant? 2. you have a glow about you are you pregnant?......um no! I would know if I was pregnant, right? I ran out at work the next day and got some tests at Walgreens, negative.

So I went back on the pill for a few weeks.

Little did I know that I was four weeks pregnant and my husband had better women's intuition than me.

Fast forward to December.....we had a weekend of libations and good times at our Christmas parties. I was whooping it up with my vodka cocktails but kept noticing that everytime I ate, I was full. And I mean a few bites full. Like one slice of pizza full. So I got a hair up my ass and bought some tests while I was at work that week.

There I was in the womens locker room 5 minutes later - staring at two pink lines. I ran back to my desk and shoved it in the drawer. Every few minutes I was opening the drawer to check and see what it said. I mean really, was I hoping that the good doctors at the stick plant were wrong? yes. They were not. But to be safe I took one more. Then stopped at Kaiser on the way home. Then bought two more expensive tests on the way home that night. Four sticks and a professional test dont lie.

I was pregnant.

I was not worried like I thought I would be. I didn't cry or have a melt down. It was odd. I just accepted it. I knew no matter what happened I would deal with it. I have always been one to roll with the punches and come out smiling. I was ready.

A few weeks later one of the retired guys at work lost his son to an IED in Iraq. I loved his son TJ. I watched him grow up over the ten years I worked here. He was one of those kids that is always polite, kind hearted and just an all around great kid. I recalled a conversation I had with his dad once - I told him that if I could have a kid as good as TJ, I would have one....maybe two. I sure hope I am blessed to have a child as wonderful as TJ, as brave and as kind hearted. I hope I do a great job parenting my kid like Tony did to TJ and my parents did to me.

Cause in 9 months I am going to find out.....and that will be a moment of truth.

The Moment of Truth part 1

Truth be told, I don't like kids.

Im sure yours are great but Im not a big fan. Ok, what I mean is you - the random lady in Safeway with your stupid kid throwing a tantrum because you never instilled the fact that "no means no" So know you are stuck with a blathering idiot of a 3 year old that runs your life...and who should not run mine. Yeah, your kids are the ones that I hate.

My friends kids, I like. They are great because you get to give them back at the end of the day - you guys have to pay for food, medical and college - I just get to be there to cheer them on at sporting events, enjoy their pictures on my fridge and buy them cute stuff.

I grew up an only child - I babysat once or twice and it was a disaster. I can still remember being with the Lunsford clan at grandmom Kellett's house watching then baby Taylor. Taylor pooped in her diapers and I about barfed all over myself. At 10 I pretty much convinced myself that if I ever had sex, I was never going to have one of those.

As I grew older I likened myself to a baby now and then. They sure are cute and soft and they smell clean. But they get older and turn into....well, us.

I really did not have much to worry about well with the rate my dating life was going in my 20's, I was pretty much not getting married until my uterus was dried and in a wheelchair. Obviously that changed when I moved into Todd's house in 2001. (I guess that is for another note some other time) I met my future husband Jeremy. I guess kids never really crept into the conversation. After all, we were young and busy and really enjoyed our careers. And then we got engaged.

Who knows when the conversation came up but I remember hearing him mention something about wanting kids. I sort of brushed it off that he was drunk at the time. But it kept coming up. Then it kept coming up at inopportune times - like in the afterglow, while we were drunk at a bar, while I was cleaning the house. And it usually ended with - "Well you don't have to marry me, you know I want kids blah blah blah." With that I figured I was going to have to like kids if I was going to marry this guy.

Well, one wedding ceremony later I was in it to win it. I just made a promise to Jeremy that I would wait a year after the wedding to go off the pill. After all, it had been over 10 glorious years that I was cheating pregnancy with those little yellow pills - give me one more year!

One year later I was still not ready and we fought and fought about it - usually I was the one crying in my room over it. I just could not imagine my life, MY LIFE, being turned upside down by some midget.

So I talked it over with my mom. Mom's have a sixth sense about things that are wrong with their kids and mom knew something was going on with me and the monkey. I told her that although I was sure I was going to be a damn good mom, I was just not into kids...nor birthing one. Although the thought of cute maternity clothes was peaking my interest.

Then she said it, "I was not into kids either - your father is the one who wanted a baby. And you ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me."

Can't argue with that now can you. It was the moment of truth.......