Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Moment of Truth Part 2

Truth be told, I actually like kids.

Of course I don't like the crazy ones on that nanny show - but who does. 90% of the time kids are cool. They are dirty and slimy sometimes but that comes with the territory. I mean come on, I think I ate dirt for a living as a child.

Kids are fun tho - you can dress them up, put their hair in little pony tails, watch them create a masterpeice out of finger paints and generally make you relive your childhood again. I just didn't know reliving my childhood was going to come whipping around the corner as fast as I thought.

After that conversation with my mom, I was relieved and for some reason it was like a fog had cleared in my mind. I could do it. I would be a good mom. I mean after all I have dealt with some serious a*hole juveniles at work. I have spent numerous hours counseling parents on their poor parenting skills and in turn lectured many a child that I thought should have been drowned years ago.

And every now and then I get to meet some truly great kids who I love to rap with and just enjoy. I was pretty convinved that I could use my lecturing skills on my unborn....I am quite the talker.

So, off the pill I went.

Almost everyday Jeremy asked me if I was pregnant yet. Aimee suggested I use some sort of ovulation calendar. And I heard that I should take my tempurature, Im sure it was not to see when I was in heat. I figured out what days I was most likely to get preganant and in the back of my head hoped for a headache those three days.

Come on....a few more months wouldn't kill me. I have a hankering for good beer and vodka every so often. Okay everyday but who is counting. August, September and October rolled by. I started to think I was not one of those get pregnant easy types.

So Jeremy and I decided to go back on the pill for one more year - maybe travel and see Europe or Jeff in Hong Kong. Now let me tell you that every month I took a pregnancy test just to be sure.

Everytime I looked at myself in the shower I swore I was pregnant. On November 19, Jeremy said two things to me: 1. your boobs look big are you pregnant? 2. you have a glow about you are you pregnant? no! I would know if I was pregnant, right? I ran out at work the next day and got some tests at Walgreens, negative.

So I went back on the pill for a few weeks.

Little did I know that I was four weeks pregnant and my husband had better women's intuition than me.

Fast forward to December.....we had a weekend of libations and good times at our Christmas parties. I was whooping it up with my vodka cocktails but kept noticing that everytime I ate, I was full. And I mean a few bites full. Like one slice of pizza full. So I got a hair up my ass and bought some tests while I was at work that week.

There I was in the womens locker room 5 minutes later - staring at two pink lines. I ran back to my desk and shoved it in the drawer. Every few minutes I was opening the drawer to check and see what it said. I mean really, was I hoping that the good doctors at the stick plant were wrong? yes. They were not. But to be safe I took one more. Then stopped at Kaiser on the way home. Then bought two more expensive tests on the way home that night. Four sticks and a professional test dont lie.

I was pregnant.

I was not worried like I thought I would be. I didn't cry or have a melt down. It was odd. I just accepted it. I knew no matter what happened I would deal with it. I have always been one to roll with the punches and come out smiling. I was ready.

A few weeks later one of the retired guys at work lost his son to an IED in Iraq. I loved his son TJ. I watched him grow up over the ten years I worked here. He was one of those kids that is always polite, kind hearted and just an all around great kid. I recalled a conversation I had with his dad once - I told him that if I could have a kid as good as TJ, I would have one....maybe two. I sure hope I am blessed to have a child as wonderful as TJ, as brave and as kind hearted. I hope I do a great job parenting my kid like Tony did to TJ and my parents did to me.

Cause in 9 months I am going to find out.....and that will be a moment of truth.

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