Things on the mind

1 - today the California Supreme Court rules on gay marriage - I'm crossing my fingers that gays get to enjoy the right to get married, pay more taxes and get divorced like the rest of us. All kidding aside this issue steams me that people just can't let other people enjoy a basic right - like marriage. I don't get the big deal, I mean I get it but why does it have to be such a big deal. All of these conservatives thinking this is going to warp young children by seeing two people of the same sex getting married. Um hellllloooo, they walk around hand in hand already. Seriously.

2 - slight case of the "I'm pregnant and don't get to do the same frivolous things like I used to" moment all weekend. Marcy went to see Noelle in Newport for the holiday weekend. Two of my husbands friends also met up with them for a spur of the moment thing. I saw the pics, I read the FB updates and I got sad. Sad that I was not there, drinking and enjoying the sun. Sad that weekends like this in the future were really going to have to be pre planned. Sad that I felt like I was missing out on a great time. Sad knowing that from now on I was going to be some sort of responsible adult with a child and my days of being a drunken sloth are coming to an end. I'm really looking forward to 2027, when Brooke will be 18.

3 - my car, my house, my bills, my job - you know the usual worries for everyone. Only I am tired of worrying about these things. I just want to wake up one day and find that I have a better car sitting in the driveway (you know one with 4 doors and working windows) I want to roll over in bed and know that a bathroom floor without screwed up grout (seriously everytime I sit on the pot all I see is that shitastic grout job around the tub), a new bathtub and a kitchen with an oven that does not predate the civil war is waiting for me. I would like for my bills to pay themselves off. (although I will pat myself on the back that I am whittling them down) Oh and I would like to know that in ten years I will not be feeling the mundane outlook on my job that I feel I may have in two years when I go back on patrol. A lot of I wants, but it doesn't hurt to dream right

I bitched, I feel better. I like this blogging thing.

Fred Flinstone is my friend

I noticed it a few weeks ago - my ankles turning into cankles. Not that they were ever a fabulous skinny pair of ankles, but at least they had form.

When my husband saw them he laughed, my mom freaked out and told me to put my feet up, my coworker convinced me I had diabetes, another coworker swore I had a heart condition. When I asked the doctor she said the only condition I had was being pregnant.

A few weeks later and now at 28 weeks - it is ridiculous. It was so bad yesterday that while I was out running around my coworker looked at my feet and gasped. There they were - full blown white skin encased sausages, stuck into a pair of Born Mary Jane shoes. The shoes were no longer comfortable and I was contemplating if my feet were going to stay in that shape when I took my shoes off - better yet how was I going to get them back in. I was fresh out of shoe horns.

We had to make en emergency stop at TJ Maxx for anything that my foot would fit into - in a half size bigger. I walked out with some seriously comfortable yet highly unattractive loafer type of shoes. Something someone walking out of Brooks Brothers would be seen in. But I care none - I'm at the point of no return when it comes to my snausage feet.

Seriously, I think my dogs are going to start nibbling at my feet thinking they are some sort of big fat chew toy.....that would so be my luck.

Irony is cruel

God's creatures are bound to taunt me from time to time - take for instance the squirrel.

I hate them. I do. They are not like little happy Chip n' Dale Chipmunks. They are scroungy, scrawny little disease spreading rats with fluffy tails.

The little bastards sit on the fence outside of my bedroom window sending my one dog into a frenzy. For awhile I had to stop walking my dogs during the day because Buddy will hone in on one and start climbing a tree to try to get them, ugh. They also like to bury their beloved friggin peanuts in my newly plantes beds or pots. Don't get me started on my mission to find out which fucktard in my neighborhood is feeding these rats full in the shell peanuts anyhow. When I do find that bastard Im going to thank them for making me so paranoid about my backyard turning into a peanut plantation I swore off peanut butter for six months.

It really got so bad my husband and I couldn't even call them squirrels because Buddy knew what that meant....so we called them S.Q.'s....or the S posse...really it got that lame.

Anyhow, the irony. So I hate them. This morning I was driving into work and had only made it a block from my house when running across the street were two squirrels. The homeless black one was chasing the equally transient brown one across the street in an obvious game of frogger on Pine Ave. Well, ol blacky was a little slower than I thought.....thud. Well, more like a little whap from my tire.

I cringed, squirrel guts on the Honda? yuck. I peered in the rearview mirror - there he was in the road his head fell to the ground.....and then down went his tail. Symbolic like of course, falling slowly as if he was lowering the surrender flag. I really hoped the death was quick, even that lil asshat needed a quick death.

As I drove to the light I started to wonder - hmmm black squirrel....is it an omen like a crossing paths with a black cat? I hoped not.

Proceeding on with my day I came back from lunch and who should greet me when I hopped out of the car - a random little brown squirrel...running up the hill away from the car.

Word travels fast in the ol squirrel community - Killer Kitty is on the loose........Im really waiting to get home tonight to see a peanut plantation and every damn fluffy tailed rat in the neighborhood ready to pull a "Birds" on me.....if you dont hear from me let my husband know will you.

Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum kills me - you know why? Cause when she is 8 months pregnant and about to burst with Seals lovechild she is still going to be able to look fabulous without the help of Spanx. She is one of those beautiful freaks of nature that can spit out babies and then whip herself back into shape just in time to do another runway show in a thong. Yeah I know - she is 6 feet tall and has a personal trainer to help her out....but still. I know 6 ft tall women with trainers who still are not as genetically blessed.

With that said, I wished I was Heidi or at least had a tenth of that gene pool when I was standing in the Old Navy dressing room yesterday. I was looking not so bad in some maternity get up when I decided to try on a dress. I need a dress for a few events coming up and have been half thinking that a tent would be more apropos. Anyhow, I put on this purple soft cotton number with a low neckline and wrap tie at the back. Oh and it hit at my knees, my little hobbit knees. Barf!

I looked like hell. I mean seriously, who am I trying to kid - my ankles looked like they were holding their breath, my sticks are pale white and my ass? Don't get me started. I mean even with Spanx for the rear, I am still 5'2" and now looked like a grape with a pillow stuffed in the front.

No dress for me. I'm going to go with option #2. And yes, I wish I had Heidi's 8 month pregnant ass at this point. Well, that still would not have helped.....but wishful thinking.

Here is the grape ape:

Barf!