Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum kills me - you know why? Cause when she is 8 months pregnant and about to burst with Seals lovechild she is still going to be able to look fabulous without the help of Spanx. She is one of those beautiful freaks of nature that can spit out babies and then whip herself back into shape just in time to do another runway show in a thong. Yeah I know - she is 6 feet tall and has a personal trainer to help her out....but still. I know 6 ft tall women with trainers who still are not as genetically blessed.

With that said, I wished I was Heidi or at least had a tenth of that gene pool when I was standing in the Old Navy dressing room yesterday. I was looking not so bad in some maternity get up when I decided to try on a dress. I need a dress for a few events coming up and have been half thinking that a tent would be more apropos. Anyhow, I put on this purple soft cotton number with a low neckline and wrap tie at the back. Oh and it hit at my knees, my little hobbit knees. Barf!

I looked like hell. I mean seriously, who am I trying to kid - my ankles looked like they were holding their breath, my sticks are pale white and my ass? Don't get me started. I mean even with Spanx for the rear, I am still 5'2" and now looked like a grape with a pillow stuffed in the front.

No dress for me. I'm going to go with option #2. And yes, I wish I had Heidi's 8 month pregnant ass at this point. Well, that still would not have helped.....but wishful thinking.

Here is the grape ape:

Barf!